Before I moved to Portland from Wisconsin, about a week before I moved, I had a dream that I was out with my sister and her friends (which, occurred almost exactly how I had dreamed it, but that's not the main point) and we were having a gay old time (a couple of my sisters friends were gay, but that's not the point either) and throughout the dream, I had the complete feeling of relief. Like a giant weight that living in the midwest had created for me, was just lifted off my back. The anxiety, depression, and general bad vibes that I had just come to expect as a reality of living in Milwaukee or my suburban hometown was just gone, and when the plane landed in Portland a couple weeks after I had the dream, that was exactly how it went.
So when I go back there it is interesting to realize that this wasn't just a case of early adult boredom and angxt cured by a fresh environment. I honestly feel like shit when I'm back there to visit. I love my Dad, and I need to visit with him from time to time, but being there is like being in an absolute fucking prison (with the exception of my aunt and uncles summer home on the chain of lakes in Waupaca, that is an island in the stream of a chain of lakes. Huh?).
I don't think I ever want to go back there. Mabes I just dont ever want to leave Portland (?)